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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764762">The Art of Engagement</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaoNazo/pseuds/NaoNazo'>NaoNazo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Courting Rituals, M/M, Northern Water Tribe, Southern Water Tribe, imperial consort momo (in jest only)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:22:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764762</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaoNazo/pseuds/NaoNazo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Zuko participates in multi-cultural exchanges and severely misuses the idea of 'engaging with the enemy.'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Zukka 18+ Chaos Server: Jan 2021 Exchange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Art of Engagement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/snymph12/gifts">snymph12</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"With all due respect, sir, you play Pai Sho like an eel hound," Lieutenant Jee muttered, smoothing his mustache in agitation.</p><p> </p><p>Iroh sipped his tea to hide the quirk of his lips, and leaned forward to place a tile at the edge of Jee's remaining pieces, tightening the trap he'd laid at the start. "It's nice to take the time for a nice, quiet game," he replied.</p><p> </p><p>Lieutenant Jee snorted. "'Quiet.' Nice while it lasts." He glanced toward the cabins for commanding officers. "You got a lot of scrolls this time?"</p><p> </p><p>Iroh had, indeed, spent a significant amount of time at the local bookseller's stall, searching for a gift for his nephew. Zuko still preferred to stay on the ship when they docked in the Earth kingdom, and Iroh couldn't fault the boy for his reticence. The wound to his face might have healed as well as it could, but the wound to his spirit was much deeper.</p><p> </p><p>He only hoped that the scrolls he'd found would allow his nephew a small escape from the weight of his pain, and his longing to return home.</p><p> </p><p>"UNCLEEEE!"</p><p> </p><p>Ah, he could hear his dulcet tones now.</p><p> </p><p>And the stomping of his boots against the metal deck.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko paused at the side of the Pai Sho table, sides heaving. All but throwing sparks with his agitation. Iroh set his tea aside with a small sigh.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, Prince Zuko?"</p><p> </p><p>"UNCLE!" Zuko thrust his hand forward, white-knuckled around a scroll. "What-- why did you-- I--"</p><p> </p><p>"Nephew, take a breath," Iroh advised softly. With a fierce scowl, Zuko took a deep breath through his nose and inhaled through his mouth. He leaned forward and slammed the scroll against the edge of the Pai Sho table, avoiding the pieces with nearly incidental caution.</p><p> </p><p>"Uncle." A pause. Another breath. "<em>Why</em>. Did you give me. This scroll."</p><p> </p><p>Iroh glanced at the scroll, title smudged slightly with age. "I thought you'd like it. It's a treatise on strategy, by a famous general in pre-unified Fire Nation history. The art of war, by--"</p><p> </p><p>"The art of <em>engagement!</em>" Zuko interrupted. "By Sun Yue!" He pulled the scroll in front of Iroh's face, unrolling it to expose the sub-title. "<em>Being a treatise on traditional engagement ceremonies in all the nations!</em>"</p><p> </p><p>Iroh blinked. "Ah."</p><p> </p><p>Lieutenant Jee smothered a laugh, changing it to a cough as the young prince's fierce glower turned his way.</p><p> </p><p>"Perhaps I… misread the title," Iroh allowed. Zuko's hands clenched at his side as he gave a fierce nod and turned to leave. "But, nephew…" He stood, reaching to pat the hand that still clenched the offending scroll. "Perhaps you should think of it a different way."</p><p> </p><p>"What. Way." Zuko remained turned away, presenting only the side of his face. His good ear, turned to listen despite himself.</p><p> </p><p>"The Avatar… may have been reborn into any nation by now," Iroh said slowly. "I believe you will find, no knowledge is ever wasted."</p><p> </p><p>Zuko's shoulders tensed and relaxed, with a forced breath. He nodded sharply, and continued to his quarters. Scroll in hand.</p><p> </p><p>Iroh returned to his seat, breathing steam over his cooling tea. He smiled at Lieutenant Jee. "My nephew listens very well," he said with pride.</p><p> </p><p>Lieutenant Jee raised an eyebrow, and set his last piece on the board.</p><p> </p><p>Iroh smiled like an eel-hound and closed the trap.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"During my travels, I encountered a charming society on the Earth Kingdom's Northern border that revered the skunk-squirrel and sought to emulate its behaviors. In recognition of the creature's fondness for courting new mates with a hail of acorns, young suitors in this community would use a ceremonial air-borne weapon to strike the head of their intended. A return blow to the head was considered a sign of reciprocating interest."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Zuko barely blinked as he disarmed and dislodged the Water Tribe defender with two crescent kicks. He'd expected a little more… <em>presence</em>… from the village that had been hiding the Avatar for close to a century, but perhaps its appearance was deceiving. Maybe this was their decoy village, set as a trap while their <em>real</em> warriors lay in hiding elsewhere.</p><p> </p><p>The Water Tribe boy, war-paint smeared from the snow, rushed him again with a club. Honestly, he was interrupting Zuko's speech (yes, he DID practice this under his breath before they docked, and NO, Uncle, he did NOT want constructive criticism), and it was getting to be rather rude.</p><p> </p><p>When the other teen attempted to rush at him with a flimsy bone spear, Zuko demolished the thing in a fit of pique and jabbed the end at the other boy's face, hoping to knock some sense into him. HONESTLY, if they just gave him the avatar, he would leave their little ice patch alone, he didn't want to HURT anyone.</p><p> </p><p>He never wanted to hurt anyone.</p><p> </p><p>The boomerang that whistled through the air, clanging against his helmet and giving him a blinding headache that only subsided the next day, was, to be honest, pretty much par for the course.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"The archipelago of Chin Island has a charming tradition of a ritual duel to begin a courting. During this fight, each participant fights with a weapon in each hand. After an exchange of blows, the affianced would pay respect to their elders in order to gain the blessing of their community."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After the treacherous, lying <em>stingjelly</em> of an Avatar had broken his honorable parole and nearly wrecked their ship on the ice-- five men tossed overboard, three non-benders, all of which required extremely careful handling after their rescue to prevent frostbite and secondary drowning-- Zuko had prepared himself to do what was necessary. For his nation, for his family… and for himself.</p><p> </p><p>He wished that what was necessary didn't involve the fires already climbing buildings and spreading through the formerly-neutral port of Kyoshi. The robe-clad girls in war-paint and carrying fans that kept trying to knock him off his komodo-rhino weren't helping matters-- keeping his fires steady-stoked but controlled was hard enough without bloody enemy combatants trying to throw him off his breathing!</p><p> </p><p>The one he assumed to be the leader dodged his fire-blasts, jumping high above his mount with war-fans raised. Pudding, the absolute darling, wheeled around and lashed the warrior aside with her tail. When Zuko pressed forward with what his tutors called a disable-shot-- hot enough to startle, brief enough to burn out without irreparable harm-- another warrior ran forward and batted it aside with a single fan.</p><p> </p><p>The world wheeled and spun as arms wrapped under his, yanking him off of Pudding's saddle and to the ground. He stumbled, sunk his weight to throw them off before they could pin him-- the warrior in a wolf-tail growled something as he ran over to join them and in that instant, winded, flat on his back, surrounded by enemies, Zuko's thoughts paused briefly to wonder</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Does he always paint his face over?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>before he inhaled deeply, tensed and <em>spun</em>, fire licking his feet before it lashed outwards. The two female warriors were blown off their feet while the Water Tribe boy jumped above the flame. Zuko pressed his advantage, kicking low once again to break Water Tribe's roots.</p><p> </p><p>The boy jumped again, less gracefully, and struck with his fans, growling "Why. Can't. You. Just. --<em>eep!-</em>- Stay down!"</p><p> </p><p>Zuko growled, taking a few breaths to bend a fire barrage at the irritating boy. He didn't have a chance to aim before the Avatar swooped in on his glider and batted him <em>through a house</em> with Water Tribe's fans.</p><p> </p><p>Stunned breathless, heavily bruised, Zuko managed to force his way to his feet just in time to see the Kyoshi mascot drench the still-burning buildings in briny bile. To add insult to fish-gut-stink injury, Water Tribe leaned over the side of the side of their flying bison (an utterly unfair tactical advantage, Zuko's tutors had stressed that the Air Nation mercenaries had delighted in attacking from above their unsuspecting victims) to heckle him as he rejoined his uncle.</p><p> </p><p>"NICE TRY JERKBENDER, MAYBE YOUR OLD MAN CAN TEACH YOU NOT TO TRY TO FIGHT THE <em>AVATAR</em>."</p><p> </p><p>Two hours later, in the quiet of his quarters, Zuko muttered, "Maybe next time <em>your </em>old-- Avatar can-- teach you how to-- fight… better?"</p><p> </p><p>His explosive sigh set his meditation candles ablaze.</p><p> </p><p>"Azula's witty replies are better," he mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>----------</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"The Zhang tribe of the western region of the Earth Kingdom holds the philosophy that repeated, ritual insults denote an interest in deepening friendship or beginning a relationship. Many couples continue to use the nicknames they assign during courtship after they are wed-- the wife of the Zhang chieftess, for example, lovingly referred to her spouse as 'Lazy-Ass' when among the presence of friends."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Zuko looked warily across the campfire at the Water Tribe siblings, flinching slightly when he caught the glare of the girl. The boy-- Sokka-- was halfway through a story, flailing his arms about, when he turned to meet Zuko's stare.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko glanced back down at his empty bowl, hurriedly. Toph and Aang, who seemed the least likely to hold his past<em>… everything</em> against him, were out doing earthbending practice. Aang was hopeful that practicing in the dark might teach him to …listen? to the earth the way Toph was able to, and Toph appeared to jump at the chance to push back her bedtime.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey. Prince jerkbender."</p><p> </p><p>Zuko rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Angry-face. Mr. Flames-too-much."</p><p> </p><p>He bit his lip to avoid snorting.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I know." Zuko darted a glance to see Sokka's smug face, blue eyes glittering in the firelight. "<em>Prince Poodle-monkey."</em></p><p> </p><p>Zuko tried to control his twitching lips.</p><p> </p><p>Sokka leaned forward, ignoring his sister's hissed reproach.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko lost it, ducking his head down as he snickered.</p><p> </p><p>Sokka patted his own knee in satisfaction. "I knew it! Cuz you held onto that cliff after the sparky sparky boom man attacked and it was like 'I only know of one kinda thing that can climb like that,' and then your hair's kinda fluffy now that it's not all 'Angry Prince Ponytail,' and I couldn't call you Ponytail anymore, so-- ow, Katara!" Sokka rubbed his ribs where his sister had elbowed him, utterly ignoring the warning look on her face.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko's laughter slowly died down, a warmth growing in his chest that had nothing to do with the campfire.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Sokka said again, softer. "Hey, Prince Poodle-monkey."</p><p> </p><p>Zuko raised his eyes, unable to bite back a grin.</p><p> </p><p>"Made you smile," Sokka murmured.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>----------</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Among the Hono'oh tribe that lives on the slopes of Shikazan, an engagement is cemented when two lovers clasp hands and jump over a fire, in the presence of their family. This ceremony is meant to signify that they will be united no matter the hardships that may come."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Their escape attempt was-- well, their escape attempt Part Two, this time with Sokka's tall, intimidating dad, and the warden as hostage-- it was not going what Zuko would term 'particularly well.'</p><p> </p><p>The hostage-taking part had gone off great, Sokka's (current? Ex?) girlfriend was as <em>terrifyingly</em> competent as pretty much every teenage girl Zuko had ever met. She was also apparently one of the people from that town he'd burnt down what felt like years ago, which.</p><p> </p><p>To be honest, not the most awkward encounter with a new ally he'd ever had, but pretty high up there on his list.</p><p> </p><p>Still. Hostage-taking? Accomplished! Relocation to the gondolas? Mostly complete! Avoidance of his <em>viperbat-shit insane sister and her terrifying trio</em> (including his own, very angry ex)? Non-existent!</p><p> </p><p>Zuko managed to jam the clutch for the gondola just as the first bursts of flame launched at his back. Backing up as far as he safely could, he burst into a run, clearing the platform. He leapt towards the gondola, eyes locked with Sokka's, reaching out desperately as his friend leaned out of the window and clasped his arm, grabbing at his shoulders to help with his desperate scramble to cling to the metal frame.</p><p> </p><p>Meters below he could smell the sulfur-stink of the boiling lake that gave the prison its name.</p><p> </p><p>Sokka's father joined the boys at the window, bracing Zuko's shoulders to help pull him inside.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko had barely caught his breath when Hakoda pointed to the platform-- to where Azula and Ty Lee stood waiting.</p><p> </p><p>Ty Lee ran across the gondola cords, while Azula <em>launched herself skywards</em> with her blue flame, clasping the gondola cord in a manacle and propelling herself forward. The next few minutes were a terrifying blur of blue fire and desperation-- he and Sokka covering each other from Azula's attacks while Kyoshi-girl (Zuko seriously needed to get better at names) battled Ty Lee.</p><p> </p><p>The gondola jerked and creaked as the prison guards began to saw at the line-- Zuko grabbed Sokka just as he began to slide over the edge, and watched as Ty Lee and Azula made it onto the gondola approaching from the other end.</p><p> </p><p>The gondola jerked to a halt, only to re-start as a slender figure intercepted the guards and threw the clamp back into gear. Mai. It had to be.</p><p> </p><p>Sokka clasped his shoulder as they looked to the platform, to the knife-wielding teen defending the gear that brought them to freedom inch by inch.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko was utterly certain that if she'd come upon them at the platform, he would have been ducking blades as well as fire-blasts. He wasn't even entirely sure she wasn't saving them just so she could have the pleasure of attacking him herself.</p><p> </p><p>"So…. That's her?" Sokka asked, leaning closer as they waited for the gondola to reach the opposing platform.</p><p> </p><p>"M-hm."</p><p> </p><p>"She was… <em>way</em> out of your league, Poodle-monkey," Sokka said, utterly pitiless. Zuko grunted. He knew.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"The Air Nomads of the Eastern Air Temple announced a union with a ritual of binding the hands of two partners together, then cutting the binds to express that the bonds of their relationship would never impede the freedom of their choice."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Zuko supposed it was a testament to the effectiveness of the royal guard that the band of holdout Ozai sympathizers had been forced to wait until he and Sokka went out for a <strike>date</strike> patrol in the capitol's downtown before they'd managed to kidnap him.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn't entirely sure why three blurry identical men were trying to rant at him about the return of the phoenix king, but luckily there was a warm solid mass behind him that kept snarking back while he tried to blink away the ache in his temple. Right above the scar-- what was with his face that people kept hitting it?</p><p> </p><p>"It's cuz you're too hot. It's nature's way of trying to balance that out," the warm presence informed him in Sokka's snark-voice. Zuko nodded blearily, and winced when that made the ache worse.</p><p> </p><p>The three angry shouty men consolidated into two, which was good, because his eye was getting tired trying to track their simultaneous arm-flailing. The two of them kept sliding into one and then back again, but it was still less distracting than three.</p><p> </p><p>"Suki's gonna kill me, it's her day off and I manage to get the Fire-Boyfriend concussed," the Sokka-voice mused. Zuko shut his eyes completely, and focused on the distracting movement against his hands-- which were tied, he was unhappy to note.</p><p> </p><p>"I gave her a raise," he managed to say, because what he wanted to say was 'where did you get one of Mai's knives,' and he had a feeling the shouty men would not react well to that question.</p><p> </p><p>"She's going to ask for another," Sokka promised, briefly pausing in the furtive sawing at their bonds to give his hand a consoling pat. "And Katara's going to have <em>kitten-owls</em>, she always says you've been boomeranged to the head too often to really be healthy."</p><p> </p><p>Zuko attempted to track that logic, his shoulders tensing as the angry shouting man walked closer. "You hit me in the head because I'm pretty?" He clarified.</p><p> </p><p>Sokka <em>snerked</em>, shoulders shaking against his.</p><p> </p><p>The angry man drew into range.</p><p> </p><p>The rope snapped just as Zuko drew in a breath through his nose and exhaled <em>flame</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko never did get an answer to his question, but he and Sokka managed to burn down enough of the warehouse they'd been trapped in to get the attention of the Royal Guard and a ferociously worried Katara, so they promptly had much bigger problems to deal with.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p> </p><p>"<em>While the Northern Water Tribe traditionally seals engagements with an exchange of a hand-carved necklace, the outerlying clans of the Southern Water Tribe are known to subscribe to the belief that a prospective fiancée should live among his lover's family and serve them-- often for a period of several months-- in order to prove his dedication. During this period of time, the initiator of the courtship will cook, clean, and often hunt for the family he hopes to join. The family, meanwhile, will show their acceptance of his proposal with gifts of hand-made goods, often articles of clothing or beaded artwork."</em></p><p> </p><p>"You're absolutely certain you can take the summer to 'diplomatically visit?'" Sokka checked, tying the last of their bags to Appa's saddle. "I know Iroh volunteered to act as your regent while you need him, but--"</p><p> </p><p>Zuko shook his head, feeling the heat rise over his cheeks. "No, he-- he said that this diplomatic trip should be-- we're good, we can go, let's just go?" he asked, a tone just shy from pleading.</p><p> </p><p>"It's great Katara could come, too, I know Aang will have to go back to meet with the Earth King again once he drops us off, but I think this is the first time we've all been together since just after the war!" Sokka enthused, leaping into his usual seat. Zuko followed, half-tripping over the saddle. Aang was not-looking at him with such effervescent happiness the young Firelord half-expected his friend's face to start visibly shining with joy.</p><p> </p><p>"He knows!" Aang chirped. Katara muffled giggles behind her hand as Appa took off and Zuko half-fell against Sokka's side.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm looking forward to meeting your Gran," he said, stilting. "Well, meet her when I'm not, you know, threatening to… Or calling her old, or--" he gulped. "I--"</p><p> </p><p>Sokka laughed, throwing an arm over his shoulders. "Come on! I know you've been bugging Katara for recipes recently, I'm sure Gran'll be thrilled you want to learn more about our culture."</p><p> </p><p>Katara's giggles continued.</p><p> </p><p>"And it's great that Aang can stay, too! It'll be a bit tight with all of us and Dad together, but he said he and Bato had expanded a little when they rebuilt, and with the 'benders Pakku brought down, I'm excited to see what they've built!"</p><p> </p><p>Zuko fumbled in his pocket for the half-carved circle of red jadeite he'd started working on in the first few months after the war.</p><p> </p><p>"I just really hope they like me," he murmured, digging his thumb against the smooth grooves of the water tribe symbol he'd nearly completed etching.</p><p> </p><p>"How could they not! You're, well," Sokka gestured vaguely at him, "You're all-- <em>you.</em>"</p><p> </p><p>That's what Zuko was afraid of.</p><p> </p><p>That after weeks of baking the dishes Katara had managed to teach him-- she finally managed to stop grimacing when she tasted them, which Zuko would take as a compliment-- and stoking their fire, hunting for their table… That after all of that, and wincing when he met their Gran's eyes, forcing his shoulders not to tense when Hakoda slapped him on the back… That they'd take one look at <em>all him</em> and tell him he'd never be part of their family.</p><p> </p><p>Sokka settled against his side, fingers straying to his pocket, to the circle of obsidian he'd abraded to show the flame insignia of the royal family. He wasn't sure learning to make tea to Uncle Iroh's exacting standards counted as 'serving,' but he hoped to make up for the lack while Zuko was staying with them. His boyfriend wouldn't know what hit him.</p><p> </p><p>Katara propped her chin on her hand. "It's too bad Toph couldn't come south with us," she mused.</p><p> </p><p>"Why?" Aang asked, twisting in his seat to face her.</p><p> </p><p>Katara leaned back to whisper, "She has money riding on them 'exchanging gifts' before they figure out they're already engaged."</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p>Epilogue:</p><p> </p><p>Toph leaned against a pillar in the office of the Fire Lord, the pinnacle of power in the Fire Nation. (Some thought that pinnacle was the throne room, with its braziers ablaze. Those people had not met a) the fire lord's paperwork or more importantly b) the Fire Lord's comfy chair.)</p><p> </p><p>The Fire Lord, whose office it was, spared a healthy few glances at his friend, the Honorable Earthbending Master Toph Beifong. She cocked her head to the side, the way she did when she wanted you to know she was <em>listening intently.</em></p><p> </p><p>After long enough that he'd managed to nearly finish reading a report on crop yields in Shu Jing, Toph cleared her throat.</p><p> </p><p>"You sound like a badger-frog with a hairball," he informed her drily.</p><p> </p><p>"16 times," she stated.</p><p> </p><p>"Excuse me?"</p><p> </p><p>"Your vows," she clarified. "With Snoozles. Wedding of the century."</p><p> </p><p>"I was there," he affirmed.</p><p> </p><p>Toph tapped her foot, flinging a pebble at the side of his face. His blind side, because she loved to make him duck.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>You </em>said you'd already been engaged sixteen times," she drawled, buffing her nails against her shirt.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko sighed. "And?"</p><p> </p><p>"And, that made me wonder. If you managed to sort-of propose to Snoozles <em>sixteen times</em> in two years--" Toph grinned, nasty and toothy like a mongoose lizard raiding a nest-- "how many times have you gotten hitched to the rest of us."</p><p> </p><p>Zuko squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p> </p><p>He pinched the bridge of his nose.</p><p> </p><p>The issue with having the most powerful Earthbender in the world, a master who could literally hear lies and also, could literally bury you neck-deep in marble and hum annoyingly until you gave in-- the issue with having <em>that girl</em> as a friend, Zuko reflected, was that when she asked you a question, you had no recourse but to answer it.</p><p> </p><p>He knelt to open the lowest drawer in his desk, set a travel-worn and heavily annotated scroll in his lap, scrolled to the bottom, and raised a hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Before I give you this information," he stated, "you need to know that Sokka insisted on the rule that each individual action counted as a new proposal, even if that meant counting repeats. <em>His </em>rule. Not mine." Zuko's rule had been that family members, including in-laws, did not count towards the proposal tally. Honestly, if he and Sokka hadn't gotten so bored on their honeymoon, he'd have been happy to just let the tally die, uncounted and unremembered.</p><p> </p><p>Toph looked unimpressed. "Just give me the facts, Fire Lord."</p><p> </p><p>Zuko inhaled for a three-count, held for four. Then he told her.</p><p> </p><p>Toph blinked.</p><p> </p><p>Twice.</p><p> </p><p>Then she doubled over and <em>howled</em> with laughter.</p><p> </p><p>"H-How did--" She gasped. "You and-- HOW DID--"</p><p> </p><p>Zuko tapped his fingers against his paperwork and waited.</p><p> </p><p>"WHOO!" Toph straightened after an uncomfortably long amount of time, massaging her aching stomach muscles. "OKAY. HOW. Did <em>you and Momo</em> get engaged <em>EIGHTY-ONE TIMES?</em>"</p><p> </p><p>Zuko sighed and quoted from memory. "'The Water Tribe clan of Foggy Swamp has a charming tradition among its young lovers. The hand-feeding of any savory food, especially but not limited to the delicacy of dried pupae, indicates a sincere desire to wed.'" Longest three months of his <em>life</em>, training the flying lemur not to try to feed him bugs.</p><p> </p><p>Toph left off rubbing her abs. Her lips twitched. "You know what I just realized?"</p><p> </p><p>"No."</p><p> </p><p>"That group of imperialists from a few months back, the ones that wanted to bring back the <em>esteemed tradition of the Fire Lord's harem</em>--"</p><p> </p><p>"<em>No."</em> Zuko's protests went ignored.</p><p> </p><p>"They were right! They were right all along!" Toph crowed.</p><p> </p><p>"<sub>..why do I answer. Why do I ever answer her questions</sub>," Zuko whispered to himself. He went ignored.</p><p> </p><p>"ALL THIS TIME! We could have had IMPERIAL CONSORT MOMO ALL THIS TIME!" Toph bellowed. She turned to grin nastily at him.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko's stomach sank in dread.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm gonna go tell Suki and Katara," she shouted, barreling out of his office to spread the joyful news.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko quietly, carefully shuffled his reports to the side.</p><p> </p><p>Then he quietly, carefully, began thumping his head on the desk, covering his ears with his folded arms.</p><p> </p><p>"<sub>I let them in. Every year they ask to visit and every year I let them in and every year I ask myself <em>why--</em></sub>"</p><p> </p><p>From across the hall, he could already hear Suki's barks of laughter.</p><p> </p><p>"Uggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh," he whined.</p><p> </p><p>Quietly, carefully, calmly, the Fire Lord crawled under his desk and stayed there until dinner.</p><p> </p>
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